Reasoning with Yourself; a Change on the Horizon?

The past year I have begun questioning my desires, choices and aspirations in my chunk of the equine world. As well, questioning what is logical?

I have been seriously focusing on my flat work, or dressage if you will, for the past two years and my riding and consequently, my horse, has evolved and improved more in this short blip of time than it ever has in my many years of riding.
Why?  Developing a proper seat, proper body position and relation of joints, communication and overall patience. Again, ie; dressage.


While I still enjoy jumping, I don't feel the same passion as I once did for that form of sport, though I have a hard time reasoning with myself to make the 'divorce/marriage' happen. So I have dabbled everywhere for the past year. Eventing, Hunter, spat of jumper, dressage. Sounds adventurous and educating for an all-round horse/rider but really... it is indecision.
Yesterday, I even set out a couple fences in the indoor since I haven't jumped in about a month. I set a simple square 2'9 oxer in the center of the long side and a small gym of canter poles on either side of a steep cross rail for rhythm and warm up work.
This height is no feat for Paloma anymore. And I shouldn't think anything of it either but approaching the 2'9 oxer I thought... 'mmm I am not entirely sure this looks like a good idea'. Of course, once we had a couple nice fences I got over it and thought, 'yeah that was great'. But I think Paloma picked up on my weariness after those few fences and we had a couple random stops that were... pretty dirty.
We prevailed though and got down to business, finishing on couple of the best fences of the day. A battle, of sorts, I am not sure I want to endure again. Afterwards, I found myself reminiscing about the killer warm-up/flat work we had before jumping. It was soo lovely!  (FYI- I have newly discovered flexion exercises and they seriously rock for 'unlocking' dear Pally. Once you go flexions, you don't go back!)

Today, I sit here pondering and mentally arguing with myself. Telling myself that it doesn't have to be so black and white. You can still be a great rider whether or not you marry a discipline. Heck, family doctor's are still fabulous healers whether they specialize in brain surgery or not! What is the issue!


Frustrated, I sought out support from a forum I stalk and occasionally post on, COTH.
Finding a thread about others having the same qualms I felt empowered and while many of the responses to the thread hit home, one really hit home for me.
The poster stated, 'what form of great coaching is most readily available in your area?'.
Uhh... does this person know me? How do they know I have struggled for YEARS to find even a decent hunter-jumper coach in our area that doesn't require day trips and a load of spare coin?! But yet, I have a great dressage coach under my wing that is very affordable and comes to me!


So, here I sit, still undecided and battling my inner Hunter Princess while she angrily stomps her feet, sets her brow and props her hands on her hips in little girl tantrum fashion.
I think I may... focus on dressage for a year, see how it goes. No hunter divorce in sight, quiet yet. Call it a trial separation.
I will continue to use my hunter tack, I don't think I will be able to remove my grubby hands from it any time soon. Plus from what I know you will not be penalized for 'improper attire' for many levels.

In regards to goals. I am choosing to set one to maintain motivation.
Based on last years scores in Training level, I will move up to First. Set. Match.